Asa, cita, dan cinta.
Ya, aku dan kamu kini tengah berada diantara ketiga hal tersebut.
Kesibukkan yang menemani kita seakan mencoba untuk menarik ku darimu,Kelelahan yang kita rasakan seakan terus menghampiri kita hingga keluh kesah terlontar dari mulut,hingga saat selesai menangisinya kita pun merasa lebih lelah lagi.
Ya, aku menaruh harapanku kepadamu.Namun, apa yang kamu ingin lakukan diluar kemampuan tanganku.Apa yang kau ingin capai terkadang tidak sama dengan yang aku harapkan padamu.
Dream.Kata Arai:”Bermimpilah, maka Tuhan akan memeluk mimpi mimpi mu”.Dan kamu seperti yang kutau,kamu sedang bermimpi.Mimpi indah mu itu akan terwujud,Aku selalu tau akan hal itu.Seluruh keringat yang tercucur dari 2 pelipismu akan terbayar dengan kebahagiaan yang akan menyerbak di hatimu.Layaknya kupu kupu yang baru bisa terbang,kau akan berlari dan tersenyum.
Tangisanmu.Canda dan tawa sedang menunggu waktu mereka untuk menggantikan tempatnya di hatimu.Tetes air mata itu akan berubah menjadi tawa,tawa mu yang indah nan manis itu.Ku beritahu,rasanya seperti saat kau melayang dari ayunan.Maka berlarilah,berlarilah, kejarlah mimpimu meski itu berarti kau harus meninggalkanku meski harus mengucapkan maaf kepadaku meski belum ingin menuturkannya meski harus mengatakan “Sampai jumpa lagi” walau tak ingin menghentakan kaki dan beranjak jauh.Tapi ke tempat mimpimu lah kemana kau harus pergi.
Ya,hal yang tidak memiliki satuan belajar yang datang dengan langsung dimengerti tanpa dipelajari,yang menyebabkan hati kita gelisah ketika salah satu dari kita sedang masalah,berbunga bunga ketika yang lain merasa senang,hal yang kita rasakan satu sama lain ini,justru menjadi halangan sekarang.Aku mencintaimu,mungkin untuk sekarang,sudah tidak lagi ada rasa darimu kepadaku,semua tidak lagi seperti dulu untukmu.
Untuk sekarang,aku merasa takut.Aku takut kehilangan dirimu.Aku takut tidak menjadi bagian dari hidupmu lagi.Aku takut kenangan kita lenyap dimakan waktu.
Namun,aku sudah berguru pada waktu untuk mengenal siapa dirimu,2 tahun terakhir ini waktu mengajariku dengan baik mengenai dirimu.Tidak sedikit bagian hatiku yang ingin kau menjemputmimpimu,ketahuilah.
Tidak sedikit juga rasa takutku kehilangan dirimu.Namun,aku yakin kebahagiaan mu akan tetap menjadi alasan ku berbahagia,aku juga yakin mimpimu itu kini adalah tujuan utamamu dan aku tau suatu saat setelah aku harus berpisah dengan mu waktu akan kembali mengajariku,kali ini tentang mengobati hati,tentang menjalani hidup sepenuhnya,meski aku berkeinginan untuk menunggumu.Jadi kejarlah,berlarilah hingga air matamu tidak dapat jatuh lagi karena cepatnya langkahmu,sampai giliran kelelahan merasa lelah untuk mengejarmu tiba,sampai senyum menyebar duwajahmu.
Ketahuilah,aku akan tetap menunggu.
Aku ingin kau percaya kepadaku.
OKAY OKAY OKAY I KNOW THERE ARE SO MANY FANDOMS STARTING NOW, LIKE THE SINK FANDOM AND THE TREEHOUSE FANDOM AND THE BLANKET FORT FANDOM, BUT YOU ARE ALL MISSING ONE.
BUT THEY AREN’T LIMITED TO INSIDE THE HOME
THERE ARE SECRET ROOMS FOR CARS
YOU EITHER LIKE SECRET ROOMS
OR YOU’RE WRONG
how come nobody got pregnant at hogwarts? i mean come on, surely there was some unprotected hanky panky going on there.
ahh, makes sense.
New Year 2013
Winter break was over and I had to prepare myself for school.My family and I had moved in here for about 2 months,everything seemed exciting for me,except for one thing;I had to go to a new school.I did not have anything against it,it was just that I felt intimidated as I had always been someone who struggled to find friends,so it was like a torture for me.
I close the front door of my house as soon as I’m out.I can’t believe it.How come this happens?Everything was fine and then in the blink of an eye one of my heros is hurt.I’m Layla,I have two brothers,Sam and Caden and I think it’s safe to say I idolise them.Things have been a lot of mess since dad married another woman 3 years after my mom passed away.I think dad’s descision hit my brother Sam hard as he had a rough time accepting the fact that my mom has passed away,he was a 9 grader that time and I was only a 6 year old idiot so it’s obvious why it was very rough for him.
Right now,all I need is a little walk to clear my mind of negative thoughts.So here I am,walking on my neighbourhood,not caring about the cold winter breeze that hits me right on the face.I like walking outside,not only do you get to be alone,you also get to enjoy the view.Today,on the sides of the street,colourful lights are up as Christmas is coming.
From across the street I can hear people muttering a ‘Happy Christmas’ to the others and as they realise I’m across them,they greet me with ‘Hello’s which I find a bit odd considering the people in my neighbourhood are never the ones to greet me except for old Mr.Floyd,his wife and his son,who is actually a friend of Caden.
After walking a few doors,I slow down my pace.I’d say I’m sad about the situation happening right now but I really don’t want to think about it and I just want to focus on finding a shelter.I check my phone and it reveals that the weather temperature has hit 4o C.
No wonders why not a lot of people are out.
I find this secondhand bookshop and I immediately enter it.The shop owner greets me and I give them a small weak smile and rush to one of the book stalls.I sit still on the floor and read a few chapters of a book and stay there until I feel warm and think I’m ready to get out again.
Walking on the streets with only a few others outside I feel more comfortable than to be in a crowded place.Only for right now,I need a place to be alone and that place is the garden I have always gone to whenever I feel like being alone.I have always loved that place,like you can have some time by yourself,smell the grass in spring and smell the freshly-baked cakes from the cakeshop nearby.I walk to the bench on the garden as I arrive and take a seat.
I’m about to read one of my favourites,Pride and Prejudice when I’m starting to think about the things back home,only this time,I let them creep into my head.I start to think of how Caden is feeling right now,sure Sam had worse than he did but now Sam has a job and he can move out of the house whenever he wants to.I suppose the only reason he hasn’t moved out is because he feels bad for us two.I wonder if dad is still mad at Caden for not studying constantly at Uni and not letting dad know where he is the majority of time.I want to tell my brother that everything is okay,that dad is just shocked and he just doesn’t understand that it’s hard and how he has tried.For me I think my dad just doesn’t want the three of us to be scared of the future that he wants us to study constantly really bad so It’ll be easier for us to find a job after we have graduated.But the truth is,aren’t we humans scared?
I decide to not think about that any longer and just stare at the surroundings.Now that I can’t smell the grass and can only stare at the frozen garden in front of me I just smell the freshly-baked cakes.The smells of vanilla,chocolate and butter are in the air and I randomly wonder about what the other students are doing right now.I’m wondering whether they are enjoying their winter break with their family,sleeping all day,or spending time with theirselves,like I’m doing right now.
My phone rings and it shows that I have received a message from Sam ,I open it and read it:
been looking for you,be safe and go home soon.
I reply to him with a single ‘will do x’ and look at my watch to see that it’s only 5 right now, making me think that it’s very weird of my brother but I think he’s just worried because I did not tell anyone when I left.I decide to read a few pages before I leave.
After reading I lean back on the bench and just breathe the cold air without thinking if my brothers and my dad are looking for me.When I have finally relaxed,I bring myself to stand and walk to the street.
Unfortunately,I can’t accomplish my mission as when I’m halfway to the street,I see someone I don’t expect to see,someone I don’t expect to be alone at times like this, someone who I don’t think will use their free time for chilling on places like this.It’s one of the kids in my school whose relationship has always been awkward with me,Alvas Wood.
And here he is,standing in front of me with the awkward eye contact we’ve always had.His eyes are bloodshot,his body is trembling,his tan skin are red from frustation and I?I just can’t believe we will meet like this.His eyes express an immense schock and I’d say we just stare at each other for a few seconds.
“Hey”,says he,with a weak voice.
I don’t want to be one of those nosy people and annoy others but I think it will be awkward if I just leave without saying a word and before I can think of any other words I just say:
“If things are miserable right now,I hope they will work out soon”
He takes one shaky breath and one tear rolls out of his eyes.”Thank you”,he says.I smile to him and reply,”You’re welcome”.And with those words thrown out,I leave.
Never in my life have I regretted something so much.